Willpower is a myth.

Humans are not capable of sustaining behaviors inconsistent with our core belief systems for prolonged periods. It’s possible by forcing a change in behavior we alter our core beliefs but that is a very difficult process. It is also the primary reason so many crash diets or workout routines fail.

People who make significant, permanent changes in their lives do so because the new behavior aligns with their core beliefs. They believe they are worthy of a better life and make choices consistent with that belief. We have a limited capacity for making choices which are inconsistent with our own sense of worthiness.

If we believe we are unworthy, then our choices will reflect it. The good news is that if we believe we are worthy, our choices will reflect it as well. By cultivating our self-worth we can change all sorts of behaviors that otherwise would be impossible to alter.

Willpower is the myth. Develop your belief in your worth and you’ll never fall for that myth again.

 On Christmas Day:

• My father told my nieces that I actually fly around on a broom (we were make believing that I was a reindeer, due to the brown felt antlers on my head), and no one in my family, including my sister, stood up for me.
• My mother told me to call me whenever I need help, because she would try to help me if it was smart.
• My estranged husband texted me at 10 pm for the first time all day to thank me for dropping off his mail "and merry christmas."
• And the man with whom I am in love offered to sing me to sleep, except I had to decline because we're not talking because he still lives with his wife.

It is safe to say that I have never been loved unconditionally by anyone in my entire life.  Yeah.  Merry fucking Christmas ya filthy animals.
So here's to 2018 and learning to be the parent, sibling, and lover I've never had, to defeating shame, and to striving for wholeness of self (or whatever the fuck that is).